DESPERATELY SEEKING PRODUCTIVITY :: tanna

As part of my ongoing quest to be more productive, I decided to sit down with a calendar, an assortment of brightly colored pens, and a package of loose-leaf, lined paper.  My goal was to a) identify all my upcoming projects for the next 4-6 months and b) determine a realistic timetable for the achievement of these projects.

 

That was almost 4 weeks ago, and so far my main accomplishment has been to create a pile of paper and pens that has taken up permanent residence on my sofa.  Perhaps that’s a little bit of an overstatement, but I certainly have not become the lean, mean, organized machine that I am striving for.

 

The primary culprit for this delayed progress is lack of time.  Putting aside time to simply sit down, stare at blank paper, think, plan and strategize seems almost impossible, especially in the frantic rat race that is called life in NYC.  Day follows day with dizzying speed – work, gym, family commitment, social commitment, dance commitment, deadline, wash dishes, clothes, etc. etc.  “I’ll get to it tomorrow” becomes my refrain, but tomorrow is usually just a repeat of today.  It’s the classic hamster-on-the-wheel syndrome.  I know that I need to break the cycle, but the compelling momentum is incredibly difficult to resist.

 

Still, I persevere in my efforts.  Strong-minded friends who know me well are a big help.  “Tanna, you need to focus on major goals.  You are a perfectionist, but you constantly distract yourself with projects of more immediate satisfaction (i.e. rearranging a sock drawer) rather than the harder, truly life-changing projects” (i.e. researching schools for a new career path).  Sad, but very true.  Or as my baby brother puts it “Why on earth do you need to plan something for every minute of every day?!  What is wrong with you?”  I wish I knew.

 

The constant pressure of self-inflicted guilt for not being more productive is also very wearying.  I am tired of running myself ragged and ending up with very little to show for it.  I am even more tired of worrying about it.  Yet the fault is mine.  My life is really quite unfettered.  No one controls me.  The only restraints are the ones that I place on myself, and it is up to me to loosen them.  I have the tools – brightly colored pens and lots of lined paper.

 

Hope does indeed spring eternal.  I am going to sit myself down right now, and try one more time.

Comments

[Alyra]

Tanna, as someone who also has major goals to accomplish in the next 4-6 months, I completely understand! I think that your heart is definitely in the right place and I can related to the issue of time (my entire life right now being consumed by dancing, dieting and rock wall building...and not being able to focus on MB) but what I can say is that for sure Rome wasn't built in a day and knowing you, you'll get these things done in your own good time. Your brother, in a way, is right. Does every second of every day need to be planned? No. It doesnt. Really the only goal to map out is out of your list of things to do that you have filed in that pretty head of yours, what 2-3 are the real dreams you want to fulfill. Those are the ones to work on then, to the sacrifice of all the lessar. That's my 2 cents! Love, A

[Neon]

Katie, it's ironic to hear this from you - you are one of the most productive people I know - but I totally relate to every word you wrote. As artists most of us have little to zero help in developing our individual careers - we don't have managers, PR help, strategic advice, logistical assistance, etc. - we have to totally rely on our own productivity and sense of direction. And, being our own manager involves plenty of tasks that are "uncreative" (in relation to our own art) but "must be done" to advance. If I do only what I want to do, I know that I am going nowhere in terms of my dance career. So, I agree, it all comes down to prioritizing tasks plus mind-management to get oneself to flow with equal ease through work that is gratifying and work that is burdensome. Your situation - priotitizing/strategy block - belongs in the category of "technical difficulties," you are free of a more serious affliction - lack of motivation.

[Blanca]

Neon is right, you are one of the most productive people I know and it's interesting to read this from you.

Ironically, the more I beat myself up trying to be organized and productive, the less I produce. When I simply have fun and enjoy what I do I tend to create more and at a faster pace. Things just start happening... inside of me there's a 'magic clock' of sorts that knows when to do what. But if I start feeling guilty or unproductive, the magic clock turns into a chain that keeps me from moving forward.